[VIDEO] Duncan Nugget #36: Individuals and Issues

Whether it’s parents fussing at children, students complaining about teachers, co-workers arguing, or couples fighting, conflicts often end with a stack of hurt feelings and enraged people.

If you really want to resolve the conflict, it’s not cool to say things like: “You idiot! How stupid can you be?!”

But what if he really is an idiot?

I feel your pain but, even if you’re dealing with a genuine idiot, those types of statements actually make things worse because they are value judgments about the individual.

When resolving conflicts, focus on the issue, not the individual; the problem, not the person.

Think about it. It’s easier to resolve the issue or problem, when you avoid making value judgments about a person. Instead, focus on the aspects of the issue you want to resolve.

Million-Dollar Question:
When dealing with conflict,
do you focus on the individual or the issue? 

______________________
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. How do you deal with conflicts and arguments? Is your method effective? Why or why not? How could you improve your method?

2. What helps you to separate the individual from the issue? When is this most challenging for you?

3. Is it easy for you stand your ground and disagree with other people? Do you like to argue? Why or why not?

4. What are 3 suggestions for dealing with conflicts would you give to a “quiet” person?

5. Many times when people have a conflict they act they are mad about something, but they are actually angry about a different issue. That’s called the real issue. Do you focus on the real issue? If yes, how do you focus on dealing with the real issue? If no, how can you do a better job of dealing the real issue?