Duncan Nugget® #312:
Accurate self-assessment is
crucial to exceptional performance.
- Topics: Career & Professional DevelopmentCharacter Strengths & Personal DevelopmentCommunication & Public SpeakingConflict ResolutionLeadership & Other Soft SkillsSelf-Awareness & Purpose
It is often beneficial to begin criticism or feedback with this question:
“What are your thoughts about ______________?”
The answer will give you insight into other person’s perception of the situation. The person might even say some of the same things you were going to say. After all, we tend to critique ourselves harder than anyone else ever would.
Have you ever noticed that regardless of the problems or conflicts that show up in your life there is one thing that remains constant? There is one thing that is ALWAYS there.
A vital component of effectively dealing with conflict, challenges, and difficult people is to be able to determine what YOU contributed to the situation. After all, anybody can be somebody else’s difficult person. Think about that.
I know…I know. It’s not all your fault, right? Of course not, but it is your life. A lot of times conflicts are easier to resolve and problems are easier to solve when you start by looking in the mirror.
Accurate self-assessment is a powerful tool that keeps you from having a warped sense of reality. It helps facilitate change because when you change, things tend to change.
What have you contributed to the situation?
Imagine that it’s 95 degrees. Is that hot? It depends on the context, doesn’t it?
If it’s the middle of February in Philly, 95 degrees is hot. If 95 is the temperature of your oven while you’re trying to cook a turkey then 95 is cold. It’s the same temperature, but the context changes everything.
“That’s not what I meant. You’re taking it the wrong way.”
Does that phrase sound familiar?
Something said the wrong way or taken out of context can spark an argument or start a war. It’s the same set of words, but the context changes everything.
Your problems can propel you or paralyze you. It’s the same scenario, but your frame of reference—the context—changes everything.
Before you assume, believe, or do anything THINK about the context because context is everything.
Whether it’s the parents fussing at the kids, students snapping on professors (not smart at all), or couples fussing at each other, conflict and arguments often end with a stack of hurt feelings and enraged people.
It’s okay to say things like: “I don’t like what you did (or said). To me, it was a stupid thing to do.”
It’s not cool to say things like: “How stupid can you be?! You’re a real idiot!” (Well…I guess it’s cool if he or she really is an idiot.)
When resolving conflicts, be sure to focus on the issue, not the individual; the problem, not the person.
A person is not his or her behavior. THINK about that.
It’ll be easier to resolve the issue or the problem, if you avoid making value judgments about the person. This is especially true when dealing with at-risk youth, defiant teens, and people with big egos.
Maybe it’s time to “un-significant” them?
Hey! Remember to sign up.
Coming Soon! Young Scribes™
Speaker for Your Event?
Fill out the form here or feel free to contact us directly at: